In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
