so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
