i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
