There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm always down for nudity.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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