so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
