ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I FOUND THE LEGS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
