His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
