I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
