Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
