drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
