i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
