You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
