Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I cut my penus on the lid.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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