I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh god it's open bar.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
