Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You took a bar mat shot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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