I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
