i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you didnt know i had herpes?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
