You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
