@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
