He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
