nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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