Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
