Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
