there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
