Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
