strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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