See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
