wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
