your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
