Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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