So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do vagina's smell?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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