So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
