You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
