god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
