I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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