Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
