How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
