You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
