We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
