I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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