batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
