imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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