There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
