I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
