woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
