u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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