i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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