So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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