Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
