dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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