why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
