eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
