Well douche your snatch and let's go!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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