Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
