I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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