Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
