im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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