Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
