She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
