things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
