I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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