I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
