are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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