Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
