Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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