If that was your dad, he is hot
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think my moral compass just broke
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
