I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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