; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
