I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
