it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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