what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i've created a new STD.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
