Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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