1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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