So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
